


Goodbye, Dean

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Car Accidents, Depression, Domestic, Everybody Dies, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Soldier Dean, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1727774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Winchester is reeling from the loss of his husband, Dean. He wrote his deceased husband this note as a goodbye before he goes on to join him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remember?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting anything on here. I'm open to suggestions. Let me know if there's a trigger in this and I'll tag it.

June 1.

Dean-

Remember how before you left for the first time we went to the pet store and you got me a puppy because you were afraid I'd get lonely? Remember how you fell in love with said puppy and named it Dally after the misunderstood bad boy in The Outsiders? Remember when two weeks later you walked onto that plane and into your first tour in Iraq? Remember how six months later you came back with shrapnel lodged in your chest? Remember the medical miracle that saved your life? Remember how, despite my best efforts, you reenlisted?

Here's something you don't remember. After you left for the second time, I stopped eating and I stopped talking to people who weren't Dally.

I remember how the black SUV pulled up outside our house. I remember how your platoon sat me down on our couch and told me how you'd laid down your life for them. I remember how they recounted how you dropped down on top of a grenade to say your platoon. I remember how I kicked them out after they gave me your things. I remember how it felt unfair that you were dead and they weren't. I remember how I shot Dally, my only companion, with the gun you were carrying when you died. 

Now I want you to remember this moment. This is the last moment you'll have before I hopefully join you and Dally with God. Or it's the moment before I sink into the pits of Hell. Either way, remember this.

 

I love you.

-Cas


	2. Flip the Switch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newlyweds Cas and Dean have everything. That is until the car wreck that puts Dean in a coma. Cas had to be the one that made the decision to pull the plug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hesitate to let me know if there's a trigger in this that I didn't tag. I'll keep updating when I think of more tragic ways to kill off Dean.

I'm so sorry, Dean. They said there was no chance that you would wake up. They said it'd be better for you if I let them turn off the machines. 

Why doesn't it feel better, then? Why didn't God save you? Why am I stuck all alone? Why did the truck driver that got smashed and rammed into your car get off scott free? I was good! I prayed! I didn't deserve this!

I love you, Dean. I'm so sorry. I regret pulling the plug. I regret losing hope. I regret having hope and believing God cared in the first place.

Fuck Him! You were a good man! You don't deserve to be dead! I didn't deserve to lose you.

I won't be alone anymore. I'll join you up there very soon. After I spit in his face that is. Part of me hopes He sees this as a sin just so He knows I don't care anymore. I've lost faith.

See you in Heaven. (Unless I go to Hell.)  
I love you.  
-Love,  
Cas


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean was killed on a hunt and Cas is essentially human after losing his grace. He can't bring Dean back; so he's going to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. So I know I haven't updated in a while. I honestly forgot about this thing. But I will update more in the future. Also, this is in a different format than the other two notes. Let me know what you think. Seriously. I'm begging for feedback. Also, let me know if there are triggers that aren't tagged that need to be.

6.26.2014

Dean.   
I loved you.  
You were all I had.   
I disobeyed Him for you.  
Then you had to go and fucking die on me!  
You were all I had.   
And now you're dead.  
That's such a disappointment.  
I can't bring you back this time.  
You're just dead now.  
Nothing I can do  
Except end my misery.  
I've missed you, Dean.   
I'll see you soon.  
I love you.  
Cas.


End file.
